My Major Award

Thank you Kerry, AKA Hamchuckles for nominating me for an award! I do not have anyone else to nominate yet as I am fairly new to the blogging world, but eventually I will be able to return the favor. In the mean time, here are my 10 things about me...

1. Music is a HUGE part of my life. When I remember times in my life, I relate them to songs I remember on the radio. There is not a genre of music I do not like, except maybe gansta rap...yeah I think I can say that one safely is not a fav.

2. I only listen to NPR on my radio...I LOVE LOVE LOVE Open Tunings and World Cafe. I wake up to Morning Edition and end my day with All Things Considered..if that make me a nerd, so be it.

3. My favorite thing to do is a wine tour with my boyfriend...and not in a limo with a bunch of drunks (no offense drunks:) We pack a little lunch of crackers and cheeses, plot out where we want to hit, jump in the truck and go. We will find a nice little spot, hopefully in a vineyard for our lunch and enjoy the day together. Even if the wine sucks, the company is great♥

4. I am addicted to Goodwill and VOA... find myself in Walmart looking at clothes and thinking "I can get that cheaper at Goodwill."

5. I am the only person in my house who can fold the towels. because I am the only one who can fold them right.

6. I own too many hats and purses...and only wear/use one or two anyway.

7. I have an abnormal fear of closed spaces, I can't even put my head under the bed to look for something.

8. Hell on earth to me is a trip to Texas in summer.

9. My Mom and my Sister are my 2 best friends

10. I love indie films and documentaries..especially history documentaries

It's true...I have issues.....

Today was the last day of classes for the spring semester. I had it pretty easy this semester. I only had to take a minimum of 12 credit hours, and since this was my fist time back in school in 20 years, and I had no idea what I was doing because I spent the majority of my first try at college in a drunken stupor, I took it a little easy on myself. I took my major of course, and field work, along with Early European history and Women's Issues.
Now you may be thinking why the hell do they have a class called Women's issues, we all know we have them, why teach a class on them? The class was designed to take a social view of issues women faced through out the years, and what we still face....yes...that dreaded word that all men LOVE to hate is about to rear it's ugly head....it's a FEMINISM class!!! (don don ddddoooonnnn!!)

The class had such a big turn out, that they over booked it and it ended up being the biggest class my professor ever taught, and the most controversial to say the least.
A lot of women in this class were like myself, adult students, with kids and a whole host of issues that held them back through the years. From addiction to gangs to abuse, it was there. There were 5 guys in the class too, with their own issues who contributed their point of views as well, which made for some pretty heated discussions I will say.
Most of the class ended up being sort of a therapy for some who related their own experiences to the topic of the week. Many times I left class stunned at what someone said. Many nights I would relive the class at the dinner table and my boyfriend and I would have great conversations about it.

Before leaving today, one of the girls gave us a little mini diploma that had an article a Bishop wrote that really spoke to me. It's long, but a great and inspiring read. I am not a religious person in any way, but I thought it was a great way to end a class that seemed to help a lot of women, including myself, learn a little more about dealing with their own issues.

Cut the cord
Ezra 10:11

So often I want to tell,women,“Go out and buy yourself a pair of scissor and write on the blades, ‘cut the cord! May be that would remain them to disassociate themselves from their past.

There are things you need to cut away from your life. There are relationships you need to serve. There are habits you need to amputate from your daily routine. Don’t allow a guilt trip from the past to strangle you or cling to you or trip you up. Go ahead cut the cord!

God wants to free you from bondage of someone who seeks to control your life. cut the cords that tie you to the old mud holes of your life. Let me explain it this way

If a little lamb and a pig fall into the same dirty, oozing mud hole, the pig will wallow in the mud, but the lamb will cry to get out.

If you are a child of God and fall into mud, you’ll start to cry, “I don’t like this. I want out of this. I’m not really like this. I hate this ! Help me!” it’s time to cut the cords that tie you to the old mud holes of your life.

Whether you fall into the mud or someone throws you into the mud is not the issue. What you do when you are in the mud is what matters.

Realize that there is something in your nature that defies your environment. There is something inside of you that is willing and able to cut the cord. Say good-bye to Joe’s Bar and Ruby’s Lounge.

Say good bye to the pimp and the pusher. Say good-bye to the drinking girls and the gambling friends. Put that addiction, that abortion, that sickness, that divorce, that failure, that loss behind you.

Pronounce your own benediction on your former life Administer your own last rites to your failure. Conduct your own funeral for the “old per son” you were before you were saved. Declare that the old you – the one who existed before God found you, lifted you of the mud and cleaned you up – is dead.

Declare that the old sinful patterns of your life and the old sin producing relationship are gone. Declare any dominating evil spirit evicted from your life. Declare that you are new creature in Christ Jesus. The old you have died and have been buried. The new you is being resurrected.

As you cut the, get ready for a new enthusiasm, a new out pouring of faith, a new freshness of anointing. God will release you to live in freedom.

Source: T.D. Jakes

The F Word

Yes the dreaded F word, and not the one you may be thinking of...this is worse...the one every woman in the world dreads more than any other word..F..A..T! Normally, this word does not bother me. For most of my adult life, I was fat, oh lets not sugar coat it...I was, until about a year ago morbidly obese.

Me in 2009 at my highest weight-330 pounds

I am technically still fat according to BMI scales in the US, even though I have lost 135 pounds and went from a size 30/32 to a 16 (for you men out there....that's friggin a lot) Until today though, I did not feel FAT...I felt great! I look pretty good, at least I think so, and my boyfriend and family do, and they are all that really count. I am after all, about where I was my senior year in high school, maybe a little more. And all the goals I had set for myself before surgery I have achieved. And if I never lost another pound, I would be happy with what I am now.

My Daughter and I in April 2011 down 135 pounds


Now, like I said, normally, the F-word does not bother me. I used to embrace it....if you are fat, and call yourself fat, it doesn't hurt as much if someone else calls you fat right? I know, the logic is there, but ultimately, it does not work that way.

While I was working at my old job as a teller, I was screamed at by a customer whom I was trying my best to help, and he call me a fat bitch. I ended up in the bathroom in tears...I was weeks away from surgery, and even though I knew that it was a cheap shot, he was an a-hole etc etc, It was humiliated in front of other customers and co-workers, and I was really hurt by it.

I had forgotten about that for the most part, until today when someone referred to a size 16 as "Fat". And I felt that feeling all over again. At first, I tried to rationalize it, I'm just being overly sensitive, it wasn't "meant" to be hurtful, blah, blah, blah. And it wasn't, but it did nonetheless. And maybe I am overly sensitive, but hell, I have worked my ass off literally to get to a size 16, and I don't consider it fat...I consider it beautiful! If you Google size 16 women, guess who shows up in the pictures first thing? The ultimate sex kitten herself....

So, if Marilyn is considered fat...then I will gladly take the moniker as well...if being curvy, having hips and a waist, are not sexy, then I am stumped...because if you ask me, looking like I was up all night on a coke bender and I haven't eaten an entire sandwich in a year is not attractive to anyone else...except maybe a crack dealer....

you can even see her ribs...in her back!!! OK...I feel better having said my rant now.