It started on December 12th. I spent my day twitting around getting ready for Christmas, listening to Christmas music, shopping baking, enjoying the season. I just hung up the phone from talking to my Mom, my Dad was scheduled to have knee replacement surgery on the 18th and I was getting an update on the happenings with that, and I decided to turn on Facebook and play a game and have a cup of coffee before starting dinner, and at 2:45 my daughter would be coming home from school.
I jump on and the first status I see is a friend of mine who lives in my town with a news feed about a lock down in my daughters school, no information, just that there is one. Most parents in this situation first thoughts got to Columbine, or Virginia Tech, I'm no different. I sent her a text "please text me as soon as you can and let me know you are OK", called my fiance, who tried to calm me to no avail, and called the school. The school of course could only give the basic answer "Everyone is OK, the situation is under control" Blah Blah Blah when you are a parent on the other end. Not their fault, they are doing their job, but I was a mess. I finally got a simple "I'm OK" text, which sent me into tears, and when she got home, I lost it. Threats were made to kill 4 kids with a gun at school. No one showed up with the guns, everything was precautionary thank goodness. But the damage had been done to my psyche and I hugged my 15 year old pretty much non stop and annoyed the hell out of her.
Two days later, Sandy Hook happened. I don't care who you are, that tragedy hit everyone in the gut. I refused to watch the news all weekend because it made me so sad, and the fact that I had just been through a lock out didn't help my nerves. Dad's surgery was Tuesday of the next week and I had to be ready for that mentally. My Dad made it out of surgery like a champ, he's home now and healing and had no complications, but that again was a stressful few days because I was worried. He went home from the hospital that Friday, and I went home and baked cookies and got ready for Christmas with our families, refusing to let the events of the world ruin our Christmas.
We got through the weekend, my fiance and I went out to dinner over the weekend. We gave out gift cards to a few people we wanted to thank, we were getting our Christmas geared up and ready for a good time. I was excited to have Christmas with my families.
Monday morning was normal at first. We always wake up on days off and lay in bed and talk for a little while, then turn on the TV to see what scores for what ever sporting event Doug slept through or the news during the week, As we laid there, we heard a helicopter, it wasn't even light out so we knew it couldn't be a traffic helicopter, and it was Christmas Eve. We heard the sirens, and I turned on the TV to see what the news said. It was all only an hour into it, so all we knew was a huge fire was burning on the bay in Webster and shots had been fired at first responders.
We watched throughout the morning as details unfolded, 2 firemen shot transported to Strong, 4 houses engulfed. A gunman might be on the loose in the area, all this just a few miles from our home. He could be anywhere. We watched social media and twitter feeds from the news, press conferences. And when it was all over, 7 houses were destroyed, 4 firemen had been shot, 2 were dead, and my community was in shock.
Suddenly, the world knew about Webster, my tiny little mecca I loved had been scarred with an unthinkable crime. The firehouse is literally up there street. Theses firemen are our neighbors, our friends. Webster is a big suburb, but a small town still. Everyone knows each other, many people who grew up here stay. It is safe, and tight knit, and we take care of each other. I have lived in every part of this metropolitan area, but I never felt like part of a community till we lived here.The shock of what happened made most of Christmas a blur. But I do remember Christmas morning having to drive by the firehouse and having a hard time keeping it together. We went on and enjoyed ourselves and our families, but it was there.
It's funny how different it is to have this happen in your neighborhood, than it is to see it happen to someone else. Before this, I was debating the gun laws and what the government should do to fix things. Now it has hit so close to home I don't know what to think about it, just that something has to be done. The last time I remember feeling this way was 911. Other "newsworthy" attacks have happened, I have felt awful about it, but it was another person it was happening to. This time, I am no longer a spectator.
In the past few days, my little community has come together to help our firefighters in any way they can, donations, candle light vigils, posting remembrances on Facebook. We have tried to focus on the people we lost and loved, not on the deed that was done, or the killer. The only people who really have any interest in knowing anything about him are the national media trying to boost ratings and start a debate on what we need to do. I admit I have fallen into that trap many times over. Never again. Never will I look at another awful event as a way to start a discussion or debate. Never will I see a reason to use a tragedy as a reason something should be written into law. I will look at it as a community of PEOPLE that are grieving losing Mothers, Brothers, Fathers, Children, Firefighters. Yes things need to change, what needs to change is how we react to the problem first, only then will people understand and try to change things. But as long as we look at it as a spectator looking in, and not a human being, we have already lost the debate.
