Why the hell am I here?

      I lost my job in July 2010 and the economy tanked all at the same time.  This is how I ended up back in college at 38 years old.  Because I have no skills for a real job, and no degree.  I am by no means complaining about it..in fact, I love being back at school, it has made me feel great, and I am hopefully going to be doing something I want to do after instead of what pays the bills.  So, anyways I digress.

     I am a Human services major, hoping to go into assisted living or the geriatrics field after school.  I am taking Human services 101 this year, interning, a history class ( I LOVE) and a class called Women's Issues.  Little did I know, that 2 of my 4 classes were going to basically be self evaluation.  Now, I have been through my share of drama in the past, and self evaluation is something I have done.  I deal with things and move on.  It's the past, period.  First assignment in WI was make a collage about yourself and present it to the class.  Easy enough I thought.  I threw some pictures of my family, a Steal your Face (I am a Deadhead) wrote some little facts and skirted all the bad stuff and went on my merry way.  Most people in the class did not do it this way.  They let it ALL hang out.  For the past few weeks, everyday another person would stand in front of the class and use the time as therapy and tell all their deep dark secrets, and most of us would end up in tears doling out hugs and pats on the back. 

     First I must say, I commend each and every one of them for having the guts to stand up there and say all the things they have done or been through.  But it is not my style.  My coping mechanism has been since I had my license to drive around listening to music and thinking.  For example, when dealing with my spiraling out of control marriage, I was driving all over the west side of the county blaring every sad Eagles song I could find.  It was depressing, self loathing maybe, but it made me deal with my emotions in a way nothing else could.  And I eventually say to myself, "I don't want to feel like this anymore."  Then I figure out how to fix it.  But that's another story.

     So, when leaving class a few days ago, I was telling the guy who sits next to me, my theory of how I deal with things and how I hate having to talk about it again.  Another woman in my class listening to the conversation said something that made me really think "It's not you that needs to tell your story, but someone might need to hear it."  The thought never crossed my mind that what I have been through might actually help someone.  

     So, here I am.  Back in self evaluation mode trying to number one, open up and talk about uncomfortable things, and number 2 see if anything I say, even something moronic, might help someone else in their journey. So, to anyone who bothers to read this.  Welcome to my world, feel free to comment about what I say, good or bad.  Ask questions if you like, I will try my damnedest to be honest and answer them.  And I will not apologize for anything I write here so if you take offense easily, don't read.  So, anyway, that's what I'm here for, here's hoping someone will bother to read.